If you have a toddler screaming at bedtime or an infant refusing to lay down in their crib for a nap, we’ve been there – and both are common signs of separation anxiety at sleep time.
When you notice sleep anxiety in kids, it’s natural to be concerned. But separation anxiety early in childhood is actually a positive sign – it means your little one is developing normally and forming a healthy attachment to you and is also part of your baby’s growing independence.
– you can reinforce that you’ll always come back when they wake, building both trust and confidence.
In this article, we’ve gathered expert insights and advice on understanding separation anxiety at night, how long does nighttime separation anxiety last in babies, and how to support your baby through their night anxiety.
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If your baby is experiencing separation anxiety, or you have any other question about how to help your baby sleep better, download the Smart Sleep Coach by Pampers™ app. From handling separation anxiety to nap transitions to moving your baby into their own room, this easy-to-use app has all the information you need to help you better understand and support your baby through this developmental leap and sleep setback.
What is Separation Anxiety at Night?
Separation anxiety is your baby’s hesitation or fear about being apart from you – whether that’s when you leave the house, put them down for a nap, or say goodnight.
Sleep and separation anxiety often go hand in hand. As your baby or toddler gets comfortable with falling asleep independently, they’re also still starting to feel safe spending time alone in their crib. As your little one becomes more aware of their surroundings – and their imagination starts to blossom – bedtime can sometimes bring out those feelings of separation anxiety.
Even though the signs of separation anxiety at bedtime may be worrisome to parents, baby separation anxiety at night – and during the day – is a completely normal and positive part of your baby’s development. This developmental leap is a sign that your baby is starting to understand object permanence, which is the mental and emotional understanding that people and objects exist even when they’re out of sight.
When Do Babies Get Separation Anxiety?
When your infant is little, when you’re out of sight, you’re also out of mind – meaning when you leave the room, they start thinking about other things. Babies typically begin to grasp the concept of object permanence around 6 months, which is when separation anxiety at bedtime can first arise. However, for some babies it can begin as early as 4 months and for others, later around 8 months.
Separation anxiety in babies at night will then often occur periodically until they’re about 3-years-old. However, there are specific times when separation anxiety may be more pronounced, sometimes timed to sleep regressions or other developmental milestones.
- 6-Months – 8-Months: Initial bouts of separation anxiety at bedtime become more pronounced around 8 months during the developmental milestone where they begin to understand object permanence. For example, if your baby’s favorite teddy is hidden under a blanket, they’ll look for it there because they understand it’s still there, even if they can’t see it. This understanding is a cause of the 8-month sleep regression – your baby may start to fight sleep and cry at bedtime. Peek-a-boo and pracitcing alone endurance is a good step here.
- 12-Months: Many babies experience a 12-month sleep regression around their first birthday, which often can present as your now toddler screaming at bedtime or resisting naps. For some babies a sleep regression can be around 2 weeks, for others longer. Staying consistent with your bedtime routine and not introducing any new habits is key to get through it swiftly.
- 18-Months: There’s often a second round of separation anxiety around 18-months, as your baby’s concept of object permanence expands and they enter the 18-month sleep regression. Whereas before your baby only realized you were somewhere else, now, as their understanding grows, they know you’re somewhere else doing something else. Toddler FOMO is real! If you notice your toddler head banging to fall asleep against their crib or mattress, don’t stress – this is a normal way for them to comfort themselves. Also, since their language is still developing, some babies use physical cues to express themselves – in this case, that they don’t want to sleep!
- 24-Months: Just like with previous sleep regression, your toddler starting to resist bedtime is a normal part of them growing up – at two-years-old there is a lot more exciting things to do then sleep! Also, around this age your toddler may start showing anxiety at night because they are afraid or are having nightmares. Their imagination is blossoming, and these new cognitive abilities and feelings can affect sleep.
How Long Does Separation Anxiety in Babies at Night Last?
Separation anxiety at night usually appears in phases during the first few years of life and starts to improve by the time your toddler is around 2 or 3 years old. For separation anxiety that comes around the same time as a sleep regression, if you remain consistent with your sleep routine and schedule, it typically will get better between 2-6 weeks.
However, some toddlers and kids experience a different version of separation anxiety that affects other areas of their life beyond just sleep. If you have questions about separation anxiety in your toddler or baby, speak to your healthcare provider.
What are Signs of Separation Anxiety in Babies at Night?
Common signs of separation anxiety in babies at night and during naps:
- Crying or calling out when you leave the room
- Demanding a parent stay near while falling asleep
- Clinginess or fussiness as you get closer to bedtime or nap time
- Tantums or screaming at bedtime
- Waking in the middle of the night
- Short naps
- Becoming clingy, fussy, or crying in new situations, especially when meeting new people
Signs that separation anxiety is affecting sleep include overtiredness, as your baby’s sleep cycle is thrown off.
Tips for Managing Separation Anxiety Around Bedtime
We understand you may want to do anything and everything to help your baby through separation anxiety, but it's important to remember it’s a natural and harmless part of your baby’s mental and emotional development.
However, there are ways to support your baby or toddler and nurturing their independence can reinforce that you will always return and help with their anxiety at night.
- Follow the Right Sleep Schedule: The first step to helping your baby with any sleep challenge, including night anxiety, is making sure they’re going to sleep at the right time for their natural rhythm. When babies aren’t perfectly tired, falling asleep (and staying asleep) becomes much harder. Take this free sleep assessment to make sure your baby or toddler’s schedule is optimized for their age and unique sleep needs. The Smart Sleep Coach by Pampers™ app tells you your baby’s ideal wake windows – so you can find sweet spot and make falling asleep easier for everyone.
- Play Peek-a-Boo: Peek-a-Boo is classic fun, but did you know it can also alleviate separation anxiety in babies. Basically, when you “disappear” behind your hands and “reappear,” you’re teaching your child that “out of sight” does not mean “gone forever.” Your “reappearance” is fun and reassuring! You can also do this on a bigger scale by moving out of sight for 15-30 seconds.
- Practice Alone Endurance: You can extend your baby’s “alone endurance” by extending the amount of time you’re out of the room. For example, if you’re out of sight for 15 seconds the first round, go for 30 seconds the next, and then 45-seconds – just keep a safe eye on them, even if they may not be able to see you.
- Reassure That You’ll Check on Them: Tell them you’ll check on them in a set amount of time – 15 minutes, for example – and then check on them when you said you would. Most of the time your baby will have calmed enough to sleep. But, in the case your baby doesn’t fall back to sleep, checking on them reinforces the truth that you will always return for them and, thus, helping reduce one of the biggest parts of separation anxiety: the fear of separation.
- Stick With Your Routine: We understand you may want to do anything and everything to help your baby through separation anxiety, but it’s best if you keep up with your routine rather than letting it slip “just this once.” Even if your baby demands you stay with them until they fall asleep, it’s best to continue with your typical bedtime routine versus wavering and giving into their wants. Otherwise, this can develop into a sleep crutch that affects their sleep moving forward. Though frustrating, remaining consistent with your sleep routine is the key to maintaining healthy sleep habits and supporting them through the transition.
- Transitional Objects: Offering your baby a transitional object like a pacifier is an object that your baby can rely on for comfort – most importantly, that’s not you! As they begin to be more independent including during bedtime, a transitional object can help them settle and calm enough to fall asleep without crying out for you. Once your baby is over 12-months-old, it’s safe for them to sleep with a blanket or lovey, too.
- Sleep Training: Start or revisit your sleep training method to keep healthy sleep habits in place while your baby goes through this developmental leap. See more on how sleep training helps with night anxiety below.
How to approach sleep training and separation anxiety
For many babies, gentle sleep training can actually help reduce separation anxiety. That’s because the skill of falling asleep independently builds your baby’s confidence and keeps them feeling safe and capable on their own, even when you’re not right next to them.
That said, when it comes to sleep training for separation anxiety, patience and consistency are key. During phases of separation anxiety, your baby may need extra reassurance at bedtime – like a few more cuddles before you put them down, or a calm, predictable routine that helps them feel secure.
By responding with comfort while still giving them the chance to fall asleep on their own, you’re helping them build trust and emotional resilience, both for sleep and beyond.
Final Thoughts
It’s easy to see how attachment affects sleep – a baby experiencing separation anxiety at night may protest bedtime simply because they don’t want to be away from you.
While it can feel challenging in the moment, remember that this is a normal and healthy part of your baby’s development. By reassuring your little one that you’ll be there when they wake and setting them up for success with the right sleep schedule, a comforting bedtime object, and plenty of patience, you’re helping them feel secure and confident – both in falling asleep on their own and in all the other independent moments to come.
