If your baby will only sleep while held, there are many ways to support their independent sleep and get them comfortable falling asleep in their crib or bassinet.
Whether you have a newborn or older baby, the struggle of getting them to sleep in their crib and bot your arms can be both frustrating and exhausting. However, knowing the different reasons for why they prefer to sleep when held, and the tips and tricks to encourage sleeping in their sleep space, can help.
In this article we’ll explore why babies, especially newborns, often prefer to sleep while being held, as well as practical tips and techniques for helping your little one get used to a night of sleep in their bassinet or crib. We’ll also go over the different approaches to take if you have a newborn versus older baby.
If you’re still struggling with getting your baby to fall asleep anywhere but your arms, or having trouble transferring your baby to a safe sleep space once they fall asleep, take this free 3 minute-sleep quiz and get expert, step-by-step guidance on how to get your baby to sleep without being held, straight from the healthcare providers and sleep consultants behind the Smart Sleep Coach by PampersTM app.
{{table_of_contents}}
Is it Normal for My Newborn to Only Sleep When Held?
It’s normal for your newborn to only sleep when held. The science behind why newborns won’t sleep unless held is largely rooted in an infant’s biological need for comfort, security, and warmth for the first few months of life.
Throughout the 4th trimester, some babies prefer contact naps because biologically they require the extra support to fall asleep. They are still developing! Newborns also don’t yet notice patterns, nor understand the difference between day or night, so helping them get sleep is important.
Also, a newborn is too young to develop sleep habits. This means that you can enjoy contact naps without worrying they will start to rely on them to sleep – this won’t start happening until they are 3-months-old or older.
However, many newborns do sleep soundly in their cribs or bassinets for the beginning. Getting in the habit of developing healthy sleep habits, like offering crib naps and following our tips and tricks to get baby to nap without being held, early on will set your little one up for sleep success for the long-haul.
Reasons why newborns only sleeps when held
- Newborns are used to the constant movement and swaying they experienced in the womb. The motion of being held while sleeping can remind a newborn of the womb. Being held can soothe and calm a newborn, making it easier for them to fall asleep. When being held, babies can feel the gentle sway and movement of their caregiver, which can be comforting to them.
- Being held close to their caregiver's body provides a sense of security for newborns. A newborn can hear their caregiver's heartbeat and feel their warmth when held, which can remind them of the closeness they felt in the womb. This proximity can also provide a sense of safety for babies, making them feel more secure and relaxed, making it easier for them to sleep.
- Being held can also help regulate a newborn’s body temperature, which can support their sleep. A caregiver's body temperature can help warm up or cool down a newborn baby’s body, ensuring that they stay comfortable and cozy while sleeping. Newborns want to be held while sleeping often because they aren't yet able to regulate their own temperature.
SAFETY FIRST: As cozy as it may be to have your newborn sleep on you, if there is any chance that you may also fall asleep it becomes a safety risk. With that in mind always remember: contact naps are great as long as they can be delivered 100% safely, and no matter what, always follow your safe sleep guidelines – while health authorities recommend you room share (for at least the first 6-months of life), you should never bed share.
When Should I Stop Contact Sleeping?
Once an infant reaches a certain age, usually around 3- or 4-months-old, they biologically become able to fall asleep on their own without being held. Once they reach this age, continuing to hold them as they sleep, including contact naps and contact sleeping, can create a habit that affects their overall sleep. These habits become harder to break as they age, so experts believe you should wean contact naps right after the 4th trimester.
If you still decide to offer contact naps, that’s okay! It’s still important that you stay awake – at this point we’re sure you’re ready for a few more hours of sleep, so knowing how to get your baby to sleep in a crib can help.
Why Will My Baby Only Sleep on Me (4 Months and Older)
Your baby will only sleep on you, even if they are no longer a newborn, likely because sleeping when held has become a habit and they rely on being held to fall asleep or stay asleep.
An older baby no longer needs to be held to fall asleep – they prefer, or want, to be held to sleep. As they get older, the habit of contact napping or sleeping while held becomes harder to break.
Mandy Treeby, Pediatric Sleep Consultant and Co-Founder of the Smart Sleep Coach by Pampers app you still have a newborn, remember you can’t spoil them and should enjoy these naps (safely) while you can. When you’re ready to start encouraging more independent sleep with your baby, you can stop offering contact naps – just know this change is easier the younger your baby is.
Why Does My Baby Wake Up the Moment I Put Them Down?
If your baby wakes the moment you put them down in their sleep space, it could be for a few different reasons.
If your baby is newborn, it could be the Moro reflex that is triggered by the feeling of falling. Putting your baby down feet first instead of head first can prevent the movement from stirring them.
For other babies who wake when transferred from being held to crib, experts suggest falling asleep in your arms is it’s so starkly different to the flat surface of their crib.
Mandy explains to parents that they should think about what it may feel like falling asleep in a warm, cozy bed and then waking up on the kitchen floor. That’s what it feels like for a baby to fall asleep in your arms and wake in their crib.
Even if your baby does transfer, they may wake up between sleep cycles when they realize they are no longer in your arms. Here is our article on how to get your baby to sleep in a crib.
Tips and Tricks on How to Get Your Newborn to Sleep Without Being Held
This struggle of getting your baby to sleep in their crib can leave parents feeling exhausted and frustrated, but the good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel if your baby won’t sleep unless held.
Some parents find their baby will outgrow contact naps and contact sleeping naturally. For others, how to get infant to sleep without being held isn’t so simple (but still possible).
.webp)
1. Don’t push newborn’s wake windows
Newborns need a lot of sleep and sometimes can only stay awake for a few minutes at a time, especially in the early days. If your newborn gets overtired they will actually fight sleep and have a harder time settling in their bassinet. While newborn sleep patterns are unpredictable, the Smart Sleep Coach app’s Smart Schedule can help you follow the age-appropriate wake windows and give you a better chance of getting your baby to fall asleep without being held.
2. Set up a sleep nourishing environment
Create the optimal sleep environment to help your newborn fall asleep easier by creating a dark (use black out shades) and cool ( 68-72° F or 20-22° C is optimal) room. Playing white or brown noise from a sound machine to help your newborn be able to sleep without being held is ideal.
3. Establish a consistent bedtime routine
It’s never too early to establish a bedtime routine for your newborn. As they get older, they will learn to rely on the consistency to help them relax and feel ready for sleep.
4.Use a swaddle or sleep sack
Swaddling (until around 2-months or when they show signs of being able to roll over) or using a sleep sack can help recreate the feeling of being held and provide a sense of comfort and security for your baby. Just make sure to follow safe sleep guidelines and avoid overheating. Also, newborn active sleep can cause lots of movements, and swaddling can prevent them for waking themselves up.
5. Stay one step ahead of reflux
We’ve heard from many parents that “my reflux baby will only sleep on my chest”. Reflux can be particularly troublesome at bedtime, as lying down can exacerbate the symptoms. Luckily, there are tips on how to help your baby with reflux sleep without being held, which includes feeding at the start of the bedtime routine, burping often, and keeping your baby upright before putting them in their crib or bassinet flat on their back.
6. Gradually decrease the amount of time you hold your baby through gentle sleep training
While you can’t sleep train a newborn, once your baby reaches 4-months-old you can gradually decrease how long your hold them to sleep using sleep training. You don't have to go cold turkey and stop holding your baby altogether to get your baby to sleep in their crib or sleep in their bassinet. Responsive sleep training methods encourages you to continue to support your baby and provide comfort as they get used to falling asleep without being held. The Smart Sleep Coach app can help you implement a gentle method of sleep training.
7. Sleep consultant top tip: Remember the Moro reflex!
Sleep consultants and healthcare providers always remind parents to place your newborn in the crib feet first, then their butt, then their back and finally their head rests – this helps limit the Moro reflex and reduce the risk of them moving too much in their sleep and startling and waking themselves up. Active newborn sleep slows down as your baby gets older.
Tips and Tricks on How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held (4 Months and Older)
There are many different tips and tricks for getting your baby to sleep without being held, even though some babies naturally outgrow contact naps or only sleeping when held as their sleep cycles start to mature and they become more independent. However, it’s still common for babies to need support to develop their independent sleep skills.
1. Don’t push your baby’s wake windows
An overtired baby and toddler will fight sleep. Use the Smart Sleep Coach app’s Smart Schedule which has 1-click sleep tracking and dynamic scheduling as well as ‘SleepyTime’ real-time notifications to help you follow your baby’s wake windows and figure out the perfect time for your baby to be put to sleep in their crib so they fall asleep fast – and stay asleep longer.
2. Set up a sleep nourishing environment
Just like for newborns, a dark, pitch black room, even for naps, makes it easier for a baby or toddler to fall asleep in their crib. Their circadian rhythm is guided by light, and a dark room makes them sleepy.
3. Establish a consistent bedtime routine
Babies and toddlers thrive on routine and predictability, so having a consistent bedtime routine is important for helping them relax and feel ready for sleep. You can include activities such as a warm bath, gentle massage, lullabies or story time to help settle your baby down and cue them it’s time for sleep.
4. Use a sleep sack
Since you must stop swaddling around 2-months (or earlier) after signs of rolling over, a sleep sack can help recreate the feeling of being held and provide a sense of comfort and security for your baby. Just make sure to follow safe sleep guidelines and avoid overheating.
5. Sleep train your baby
Sleep training a baby who only sleeps when held helps them start getting comfortable with falling asleep in their own sleep space, without needing to be held the whole time. By creating a consistent routine and gently changing how your baby falls asleep, you’re helping them build a natural skill that will support a lifetime of healthy sleep. Over time, this can mean fewer wake-ups overnight, longer stretches of sleep, and a baby who can settle back to sleep independently – even after those normal nighttime stirrings.
Take this free sleep assessment from Smart Sleep Coach to get a personalized sleep plan which includes everything you need to choose and implement a sleep training method, step by step.
Final Thoughts
Once you’re past the newborn phase, supporting the transition from “baby only sleeps on me” to independent sleeping can be a challenging process for some parents and babies. While there’s no one surefire solution for how to break contact naps, some babies naturally outgrow contact naps and start sleeping soundly in their bassinet or crib. However, other infants and even toddlers may need time and extra guidance to get used to how to sleep without being held.
If you’re trying to figure out how to get baby to sleep without being held, it’s important to be prepared for some crying and fussiness – if previously your baby only sleeps when held, some protest is normal when you put them in their crib! Some parents of babies older than 4-months-old choose to try one of the many different baby sleep training methods to help their infant get comfortable with falling asleep and staying asleep in their sleep space.
Take this free assessment to get a personalized sleep plan which includes a recommendation of what sleep training method may be best for gradually decreasing the time your baby spends sleeping in your arms.
Remember, every baby is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient and persistent when trying to get your baby to stop only sleeping when held. With the right approach and support, the transition from contact naps to independent sleeping can be a stress-free experience for everyone and ultimately lead to long nights of restorative sleep.
