It's so typical – you spend hours trying to get your infant to sleep in their crib, knowing deep down it’s likely they won’t sleep unless held. Like clockwork, as soon as you try to lay them down in their crib or bassinet, your baby’s crying begins and won’t stop until you pick them back up.
If you're tired of being stuck in a cycle of contact naps and holding your baby to sleep, or constantly asking yourself, “what do I do if my baby will only sleep on me?” or “is it normal my newborn won’t sleep unless held?”, then read on – this article is for you! We'll explore why babies, especially newborns, often prefer to sleep while being held, as well as practical tips and techniques for helping your little one get used to a night of sleep in their bassinet or crib.
If you’re still struggling with getting your baby to fall asleep anywhere but your arms, or having trouble transferring your baby to a safe sleep space once they fall asleep, take this free 3 minute-sleep quiz and get expert, step-by-step guidance on how to get your baby to sleep without being held, straight from the pediatricians and sleep consultants behind the Smart Sleep Coach by PampersTM app.
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Is it Normal My Newborn Won't Sleep Unless Held?
The science behind why newborns won’t sleep unless held (and babies in general) is largely rooted in an infant’s need for comfort, security, and warmth. Babies like contact naps because biologically a newborn needs extra support to fall asleep. They are still developing! Newborns also don’t yet notice patterns, so newborn contact sleeping isn’t considered a bad habit.
Reasons why babies prefer to sleep when being held
- Newborns are used to the constant movement and swaying they experienced in the womb. The motion of being held while sleeping can remind a newborn of the womb. Being held can soothe and calm a newborn, making it easier for them to fall asleep. It’s like when a newborn wants to be held all the time it's because they can feel the gentle sway and movement of their caregiver, which is comforting.
- Being held close to their caregiver's body provides a sense of security for babies. Newborns want to be held all night so they can hear their caregiver's heartbeat and feel their warmth, which can remind them of the closeness they felt in the womb. This proximity can also provide a sense of safety for babies, making them feel more secure and relaxed. If a baby will only contact nap, it likely is because it’s easier for them to sleep when held.
- Being held can also help regulate a baby's body temperature, which can affect their sleep. A caregiver's body temperature can help warm up or cool down a baby's body, ensuring that they stay comfortable and cozy while sleeping. If your newborn won't sleep unless held, it could be because they aren't yet able to regulate their own temperature.
SAFETY FIRST: As cosy as it may be to have your baby sleep on you, if there is any chance that you may also fall asleep it becomes a safety risk. With that in mind always remember: contact naps are great as long as you are awake and they can be delivered 100% safely. No matter what, always follow the American Academy of Pediatrics safe sleep guidelines – which recommend you room share (for at least the first 6-months of life), but never bed share.
When Should I Stop Contact Sleeping?
Once an infant reaches a certain age, usually around 4-months-old, they biologically become able to fall asleep on their own without being held. Once they reach this age it’s possible that continuing to be held to sleep and contact naps can create a bad habit, which becomes harder to break as they age. Developing healthy sleep habits and figuring out how to get baby to nap without being held from early on will set your little one up for sleep success for the long-haul.
It’s also important to never contact sleep when you’re sleeping – at this point we’re sure you’re ready for a few more hours of sleep!
Why Does My Baby Only Sleep on Me Still?
If your baby only sleeps when held and is no longer a newborn, a likely reason is that they have developed a habit of relying on being held to fall asleep or stay asleep. An older baby no longer needs to be held to fall asleep – they prefer, or want, to be held to sleep.
One reason an older baby only sleeps when held is because they started to associate certain things, such as being held, with sleep, and rely on it to sleep. This can be why the habit of contact napping or sleeping while held becomes harder to break.
For babies who wake when transferred from being held to crib, imagine what it may feel like falling asleep in your warm, cozy bed and then waking up on the kitchen floor. This is largely why babies wake so quickly after being transferred to their crib – it’s so starkly different to where they were sleeping.
But if you still have a newborn, remember you can’t spoil a newborn and should enjoy these naps (safely) while you can. When you’re ready to start encouraging more independent sleep you can adjust things – just know this change is easier the younger your baby is.
Tips For Helping Your Baby Sleep Without Being Held
This struggle of getting your baby to sleep in their crib can leave parents feeling exhausted and frustrated, but the good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel if your baby won’t sleep unless held.
Some parents find their baby will outgrow contact naps and contact sleeping naturally. For others, how to get infant to sleep without being held isn’t so simple (but still possible).
Here are a few tips and tricks on how to break contact naps and how to get baby to sleep without being held:
- Don’t push your baby’s wake windows: An overtired baby is one who will often fight sleep when put in their crib. The Smart Sleep Coach app’s Smart Schedule has 1-click sleep tracking and dynamic scheduling as well as ‘SleepyTime’ real-time notifications to follow your baby’s wake windows and give you a better chance of getting your baby to fall asleep without being held.
- Set up a sleep nourishing environment: Create the optimal sleep environment to help your baby outgrow contact naps by using black out shades and setting a cool (68-72F is optimal) room. Playing white or brown noise to help your baby be able to sleep without being held may help as well. Conduct your bedtime routine in your baby’s sleep space to make the transition to crib and ultimately falling asleep so much easier.
- Establish a consistent bedtime routine: Babies thrive on routine and predictability, so having a consistent bedtime routine is important for helping them relax and feel ready for going to sleep without being held. You can include activities such as a warm bath, gentle massage, lullabies or story time to help settle your baby down before placing them to sleep in their crib or bassinet and cue them it’s time for sleep.
- Use a swaddle or sleep sack: Swaddling (until around 2-months or when they show signs of being able to roll over) or using a sleep sack can help recreate the feeling of being held and provide a sense of comfort and security for your baby. Just make sure to follow safe sleep guidelines and avoid overheating.
- Stay one step ahead of reflux: We’ve heard from many parents that “my reflux baby will only sleep on my chest.” Reflux can be particularly troublesome at bedtime, as lying down can sometimes seem to exacerbate the symptoms. Luckily, there are tips on how to help your baby with reflux sleep without being held, which includes feeding at the start of the bedtime routine, burping often, and keeping your baby upright before putting them in their crib or bassinet.
- Gradually decrease the amount of time you hold your baby: You don't have to go cold turkey and stop holding your baby altogether to get your baby to sleep in their crib or sleep in their bassinet. Responsive sleep training encourages you to continue to support your baby and provide comfort as they get used to falling asleep without being held. You can try gradually decreasing the amount of time you hold them before you place them to sleep in their bassinet or to sleep in their crib. You can start by holding them until they're sleepy and calm and then place them in their crib or bassinet while they're still awake.
SLEEP CONSULTANT TOP TIP:
When you place your baby in the crib, place them down so first their feet, then their butt, then their back and finally their head rests – this helps limit the Moro reflex and reduce the risk of them moving too much in their sleep and startling and waking themselves up.
Remember, every baby is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient and persistent when trying to get your baby to stop only sleeping when held.
Final Thoughts
Once you’re past the newborn phase, supporting the transition from “baby only sleeps on me” to independent sleeping can be a challenging process for some parents and babies. While there’s no one surefire solution for how to break contact naps, some babies naturally outgrow contact naps and start sleeping soundly in their bassinet or crib while others need time to get used to how to sleep without being held.
If you’re trying to figure out how to get baby to sleep without being held, it’s important to be prepared for some crying and fussiness – if previously your baby only sleeps when held, some protest is normal when you put them in their crib. Some parents choose to try one of the many different baby sleep training methods to help their infant get comfortable with falling asleep and staying asleep in their sleep space.
With the right approach and support, the transition from contact naps to independent sleeping can be a stress-free experience for everyone, and ultimately lead to long nights of restorative sleep.
Download the Smart Sleep Coach by PampersTM app to get guidance on which sleep training method may be right for you and your baby. The app includes a personalized step-by-step plan to gradually decrease the amount of time your baby spends sleeping in your arms.
